• Weekend Wanderer: The Dangers of Nominated Films

    Weekend Wanderer: The Dangers of Nominated Films

    I had two days until I left to visit my daughter’s college in Florida.  It was time to prepare.  As in, time to watch Alligator and Society of the Snow.  I don’t know why I do these things.  Alligator, I think, is self-explanatory. An oversized alligator terrorizes a Missouri town. Released in 1980, it stars…

  • Weekend Wanderer: Heavy Is the Head That Watches ‘The Crown’

    Weekend Wanderer: Heavy Is the Head That Watches ‘The Crown’

    It’s time to put a period on The Dork Series.  Or an apostrophe, am I right, guys? An apostrophe!  Ahem. Anyway.  I have spent most of the last month taking classes on the Tudor monarchy.   One lecture was called — I’m not making this up — “Dressing like a Queen: Elizabeth I’s Wardrobe and Her…

  • Weekend Wanderer: A New Book and My Secret Passion

    Weekend Wanderer: A New Book and My Secret Passion

    I’m calling these last few weeks of columns The Dork Series.  Apostrophe love. Bad dancing.   If I told you about the history courses I’ve taken recently, you’d probably give me a wedgie and dunk my head in a toilet.  So yeah. Let’s make it worse.  A year ago, when Burt Bacharach died, I confessed my…

  • Weekend Wanderer: I’m Here to Preserve the Apostrophe

    Weekend Wanderer: I’m Here to Preserve the Apostrophe

    It all started with an article in The Guardian.  The headline read “Hampshire villagers bring street’s apostrophe catastrophe to a full stop.”  I clicked on that article. Oh yes, I did.  Because of all the ills in the world, of all the daily nuisances, my pet peeve is the absent or incorrectly used apostrophe.  Now,…

  • Weekend Wanderer: Will I Ever Be Cool?

    Weekend Wanderer: Will I Ever Be Cool?

    I’ve been up to something on Sunday mornings.  Besides, you know, bombarding you with words.   It began two months ago.   But its roots go back to Halloween.  Specifically, Shyamaween.  As a horror movie fan, I seized the opportunity to be under the same roof as M. Night Shyamalan.  Wait. Sorry. I mean I seized the…

  • Weekend Wanderer: I Tried Cupping

    Weekend Wanderer: I Tried Cupping

    I want to talk to you about cupping. Relax. It’s not a sex thing. I think my editors would shut that down faster than January’s snow melted.  And it’s probably time I told you one of my editors is my godfather. Which did not get me this job.  As my godfather, he is obligated by…

  • Weekend Wanderer: The End of Tax Season … for Now

    Weekend Wanderer: The End of Tax Season … for Now

    The tax return saga hurtles on.  Working with Willie, I was finally — gloriously, spectacularly — able to access her online IRS account.  And discovered Willie was, um, right.  Wow. That was painful to say.  She had — as she told me repeatedly — filed a tax return in 2018.  I was thrilled. Not as…

  • Weekend Wanderer: No, the Taxes Still Aren’t Filed

    Weekend Wanderer: No, the Taxes Still Aren’t Filed

    When we left Willie, she hadn’t filed tax returns since 2017.  Willie and I tried — with an utter lack of success — to access Willie’s IRS account online.  In an article from The Washington Post, an elder law attorney explained that accessing financial accounts of elderly parents is a federal crime unless you have…

  • Weekend Wanderer: The Ides of January

    Weekend Wanderer: The Ides of January

    So I had sorted through Willie’s papers and the most recent tax return I could find was from 2017.  The documents I’d located were a patchwork of W2s and 1099s.   Social security W2s for both Indy and Willie from 2021? Check. Social security W2s for both Indy and Willie from 2018?  Not so much.  I…

  • Weekend Wanderer: Tax Season Has Turned into Tax Year

    Weekend Wanderer: Tax Season Has Turned into Tax Year

    Willie — oh, Willie.  Willie hasn’t filed a tax return.  In years.  And I’m not going to lie. I started this whole thing with good intentions but now I’m kind of hoping Willie goes to jail.  January 2023 morphed into April 2023 and still Willie hadn’t made an appointment with her accountant.  So I made…

  • Weekend Wanderer: Hooked on Hallmark Christmas Movies

    Weekend Wanderer: Hooked on Hallmark Christmas Movies

    I’m a snob.  I thought Hallmark Christmas movies were, well, inferior.   Not byzantine, like Game of Thrones. Or witty like The West Wing. I was wrong.   Hallmark movies are like soap operas — except happy.  And I only stopped watching soaps because All My Children and One Life to Live were canceled.   I mean, did…

  • Weekend Wanderer: The Christmas Wreath That Isn’t a Wreath

    Weekend Wanderer: The Christmas Wreath That Isn’t a Wreath

    I have a complaint.  Grave blankets are not blankets.  And I’m — I’m kind of annoyed they’re not blankets.   I know, I know. It’s an odd thing to get worked up over. But I thought grave blankets were blankets and they’re not blankets and I want them to be blankets.  See, for years, Indy and…

  • Weekend Wanderer: Christmas Decorating, Thwarted

    Weekend Wanderer: Christmas Decorating, Thwarted

    I didn’t decorate for Halloween.   I’m talking about Christmas today. Really. I am.  But in case you haven’t picked up on it, I don’t know where to start.  Ooh — I know. We’ll start with the day I bought my house.   The same way every haunted house story starts.  Except I do not have a…

  • Weekend Wanderer: College Gets to the Heart of My Fears

    Weekend Wanderer: College Gets to the Heart of My Fears

    My daughter has been accepted to college.  In Florida.  Listen. I’m very proud of her. She’s worked hard. I’m excited for her to go.  And I hope she stays in Florida. Or in North Carolina, which is where she’d like to live someday. I hope she sees more of the world than what I’ve shown…

  • Weekend Wanderer: Driving the Kids Around Has Become Epic

    Weekend Wanderer: Driving the Kids Around Has Become Epic

    I’ve been everywhere.  Man.  I probably didn’t look as cool as The Man in Black, but I’ve been everywhere.   OK. Maybe I didn’t cross the deserts bare, but I did breathe the mountain air.  Once.  Rolling Stone says Johnny Cash travels 112,515 miles when he goes everywhere. I’m starting to think he covered that song…

  • Weekend Wanderer: I Went to Shyamaween, and It Was the Ultimate Monster Mash

    Weekend Wanderer: I Went to Shyamaween, and It Was the Ultimate Monster Mash

    It’s not easy assembling a costume for Shyamaween.  Wait.  Are you familiar with Shyamaween?  No?   Good.   I love explaining Shyamaween.  M. Night Shyamalan — the Philadelphia-based writer and director of The Sixth Sense — has a charitable organization he founded with his wife.  I would have linked a biographical article about M. Night Shyamalan but…

  • Weekend Wanderer: A Spooky October Tale

    Weekend Wanderer: A Spooky October Tale

    Jack O’Lanterns blaze fiery grins.  Spirits prepare for All Hallows Eve.  So.  How about a creepy little tale?  Good horror — Amityville, The Exorcist, The Strangers — is at least based on a true story.  So rest, well, not assured. Disturbed, maybe? Yeah. Rest disturbed this story is completely true.  Growing up, my older cousin…

  • Weekend Wanderer: I Spent the Day in Baltimore. I Have No Idea What I Did While I Was There

    Weekend Wanderer: I Spent the Day in Baltimore. I Have No Idea What I Did While I Was There

    After spending two Fridays straightening out her finances, I had a very grateful Willie on my hands.  Willie’s finances — how do I put this?   Well, recently, I watched all of The Exorcist sequels.  I had to, guys. My horror podcast is working its way through The Exorcist films. To prepare for the new Exorcist…